trusting in the trials
James 1:2-8 NIV: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”
I have found so much comfort in these verses. I will be sharing my story soon, but I was in the hospital five times this past year, and it completely changed the way I viewed life. It was not an “aha moment” though, more of a gradual change. I did not view my trials as pure joy… I actually experienced extreme depression after the third time of coming home from the hospital. I felt defeated. I didn’t want to wake up every day and it was most definitely because I had forgotten my purpose in life. I felt far from myself, and honestly not very pretty. By the fourth time, I remember laying in the hospital bed crying while my mom held me. I told her, “I don’t even want to do photography anymore.” That’s when I realized the enemy had really gotten a hold of me. Photography is my passion and to feel like I didn’t want to do ANYTHING was so unlike me. I fought my negative thoughts the next day, and the next day, and the next day, you get it… It was a battle for a while. I knew I was alive for a reason though, and I wasn’t going to let Satan win. I tried to find every positive thing about my hospital experiences. Remembering the people I met and the relationships I made with my nurses. I ended up having to go to therapy after one of the hospital stays, and I’m so thankful for the people I got to talk with every week for my session. Slowly my perspective started to change. The attacks I went through can cause lasting damage to my brain, organs and overall body. I started to read books that would help my mental state, so I could practice healthier thought processes. Doubt kept creeping in… thoughts like, “What if my new medication doesn’t work”, “What if I’m in the hospital again”, “What if I can’t go back to work.” I thought about these things on a daily basis. It wasn’t until I made defeating these thoughts an intentional part of my day that I saw change! I think we imagine getting through hard times as a checklist, like once we go through something hard we check it off the box and it’s over. It’s actually quite far from that. It’s a daily battle. It’s something we sign up for as Christians and I wouldn’t change a thing. At the end of the day, being on God’s side is better than anything. Because, even though we face trials of many kinds, He gives us ways to get through them. We just have to choose to obey in doing so. Every single person will endure trials on this earth, because we live in a fallen world. As Chrsitans, the enemy is working even harder to steer us away from God, which is why sometimes we endure trials over and over again. God is the only person that will be able to bring us TRUE joy, peace, and wisdom when we ask Him.
Another scripture passage I’ve held onto, and reference every single day is, Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Living like this is a CHOICE. It’s not always an easy one. Christ knows what it is like to suffer. We are not alone in this life. If you are ready to give up, or think that God doesn't see you in your trials, change your mindset today! Practice thanking Him for the trials and telling yourself you will trust instead of doubt!
Prayer: Thank you for my trials, Lord. I know you will use them for good! Today I’m choosing to trust you in everything. I will be anxious for nothing and speak life over myself! Amen.
